Your Emails March 2015
Giles the sex therapist
Sent by Giles Dee-Shapland
6 March 15:50
Hello, Thank you for contacting Giles the Sex-therapist, I advise you to discuss using condoms and other types of birth control with your wife once you have got married. It is all depending whether you both would like children so soon. I am a firm believer that if you have sex unprotected that you are both open to the idea you might become parents quite soon. In the meantime, I recommend you masturbate in the time between now and your wedding to get an idea if you like the sensation through the latex. Some men do find that the sensation is slightly different when wearing a condom and can tolerate it or dislike it completely. After all, birth control is a mutual responsibility, therefore, your wife, she too could apply protection i.e. using a coil or femidom (female condom). There is also the after-pill, which your wife might take the morning after sexual intercourse. If both partners discuss and decide they do not want children, some men undergo surgery and have an operation to cut the tubes between your scrotum and penis. This will stop sperm from being ejaculated. Some women choose a hysterectomy but again, these things all require discussing. No person, partner included should tell the other partner to have any birth control, it is a mutual decision for you both to make. I hope that helps, if you have any other question, please get in touch. I would like to wish you both well for your new life together.
Regarding masturbation, men who do masturbate before sex will affect sex-timings, It usually takes 30 minutes for a man to recuperate after sex with an orgasm and ejaculation. Although, masturbation as a form of mutual foreplay is very good for intimacy, as it helps partners to examine each others sexual organs and how they respond to touch by another person. Foreplay is to build up sexual tension spiritually, mindfully, as well as physiologically and also between each partner at it is an excellent way of heightening to the point of climax. This teaches the partner to learn to read each others sexual bodies so they know when to stop stimulating them. If you misread your partners body, do not worry, enjoy it, but you can always practice to make sex better the next time. Regards Giles
YOUR EMAILS Jan 2015
visit me in the UK where im living temporarily. For 7 consecutive days i
couldnt get an erection it was so embarrassing i even felt that my penis
shrank. she tried to be understanding and told me its not an issue for her
but i felt so bad and currently im very depressed and afraid of what i might
from alt three time i masturbated and gets the most fab orgasm but the
problem is i felt the orgasm but i dint squirt any thing , i happened thrice
and since then i dint masturbate, also i have little pain in my testicles u
can say mild sweet pain but my concern is that why i dint cum ? please help
Dear Giles, i need your help to save my marriage. i am 29 years old, married
for 2 years now with an 8monts old baby boy. My problem is that i have
bruises after sex every time. and the bruises becomes a sour when i have sex
within that time...so i avoid sex until the bruises are healed, then the
circle begins..... i have visited the hospital and treated all that
diagnosis but the circle of pain and bruises after just one round of sex
continues....my husband also gets bruised on his manhood...please what is
our problem...this problem is making me loosee interest in sex...please
help. i was told that i had a problem with lubrication...could that be true?
if it is...what can i do to help myself and enjoy sex? thanks so much for
responding. God bless you
Thank you for contacting Giles the Sex Therapist. I am sorry you have got upset and emotional concerning getting bruised and soar with sex. This can happen especially if sex is rough. The causes of soars and bruises around the genital area can be due to your partner having a large penis and him entering you with strength, rather than easing himself inside of you. Other reasons maybe that your vagina could be tight. There are numerous positions to choose from, so I urge you to explore each other in a more gentle fashion and as the hospital suggested, try using lubrication like KY Jelly. If you still have concerns, try contacting your DR or GUM clinic, (sexual health clinic) as you may have physical reasons that are contributing to sexual discomfort.
(Giles the Sex Therapist)
Marvin 18, from South Africa
Firstly, I want to thank you for getting in touch as it is huge for anyone to make the first move. By getting in touch you are acknowledging you have a problem. 18 year olds have a great deal of pressure on them these days, usually high sex drives, erections popping up when you least expect them or even want them.
However, the best thing not to do is get over anxious about not performing sexually. You stated when you masturbate you are able to perform, what I would suggest is you allow yourself to build confidance when masturbating and if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend allow them to assist you.
If your erection fails after you masturbate together just as you are preparing for sex, there could be other reasons for not being able to perform. Have you spoken with your GP (General Practitioner)? It is important that you are certain there is no physical reason first. Once you have got the all clear, you know for certain it is definitely anxiety based. Secondly, quite a few guys experience losing an erection just as they prepare for placing on a condom, so I certainly wouldn't over concern yourself in that respect.
Thirdly, speaking to a counsellor or psychotherapist in person is the next stage, this can be costly, I am uncertain if you live in the UK or abroad, I know here NHS counselling is normally free and sometimes charities offer discounted rates. However, it is important you make an appointment. I work with young men like yourself and treat the anxiety aspart of the person and we work on it until it resolves.
I wish you luck and thank you again in contacting me. Giles, Giles the Sex Therapist